I didn't ask him not to use drugs but I
think he sensed that it wasn't a lifestyle I was into. Whenever we hung
out, we didn't do much. Went out for meals, and to the cinema,
cuddled and took my dog for walks. Nothing particularly exciting but
then he didn't ever suggest doing things. We did have tickets booked
for a comedy show in a couple of weeks time but I'll be taking someone
else now.
I did wonder if he finished with me when he was on a downer from
cocaine. My ex N used to finish with me when he was on a downer after
using coke (which was very occasional). I also read that using cocaine
dulls the senses so anything other than very 'exciting' things would
have seemed dull. Hence hanging out with me would have seemed a bit
dull to hanging out in the pub with his mates, snorting coke and talking
cr@p all night!
We took my dog out for a walk along a river after he stayed the
night once, and stopped to have a drink in the sunshine. He sat holding
my hand across the table and said 'this is nice'. I genuinely thought
he was having a nice time. But I think 'nice' wasn't what he wanted.
I'd love to know if he was ever using coke when he was with me. He
did tell me that I made him nervous and I think that's because he
couldn't use drugs around me so had to be himself - which he probably
found hard.
He's very good looking, intelligent, smart, sporty...I really don't know why he needs to use cocaine.
I wonder if he will ever regret what he threw away? I figure that
he has forgotten who I am already and I can't stop thinking about him,
which is very annoying.
No comments:
Post a Comment