Two men, two kisses.
An ego boost but I felt used.
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Bad date - 30th October 2011
So.....guy contacts me on Guardian Soulmates and asks if I would like to meet up. He looks ok, his profile isn't too pretentious (they usually are on Soulmates) and so I say yes. Plus, I'm going to the other side of the world for two weeks so if it's awful then I can just 'disappear'.
We meet up, he seems ok, and the conversation flows. He sits up close to me, his body language implies he is attracted. Or perhaps he just couldn't hear me. It was noisy after all.
His profile says "Trust me. I'm funny". And was he? Er, no. Would I write that on a profile anyway? Er...no!
Then he asked about my feminism and, when I responded, he came back at me quoting bits from his philosophy course (the one he's studying in his spare time). I found this a bit infuriating and ended up getting a bit riled but trying not to show it.
**As I type this I am trying to drag my eyes from the lovely Mitchell (the vampire) from Being Human. Which is very hard to do. Where are the guys who look like him?**
It was all getting a bit heavy and I tried my best to steer the conversation back to something more lighthearted. I reread his e-mails to me again and he told me that we would have an "engaging conversation". There's a little bit of arrogance there, I think? Would I say that to someone? Er...I think not!
**Ahh, Mitchell....you were in the same city as me for months and I didn't know.**
It was late, we left and he went to get his bike. It was left to me to say the niceties as we parted. I stood there and flapped my arms and said, "well, it was nice to meet you." He said, 'yes, bye', and that was it! I was taken aback - even if he didn't want to see me again, I felt I deserved more than that.
Needless to say, I've not contacted him and he's not contacted me. I've been very tempted to e-mail and berate him gently for his rudeness but have restrained myself. The whole experience left me feeling pretty horrible.
NEXT!!!!
We meet up, he seems ok, and the conversation flows. He sits up close to me, his body language implies he is attracted. Or perhaps he just couldn't hear me. It was noisy after all.
His profile says "Trust me. I'm funny". And was he? Er, no. Would I write that on a profile anyway? Er...no!
Then he asked about my feminism and, when I responded, he came back at me quoting bits from his philosophy course (the one he's studying in his spare time). I found this a bit infuriating and ended up getting a bit riled but trying not to show it.
**As I type this I am trying to drag my eyes from the lovely Mitchell (the vampire) from Being Human. Which is very hard to do. Where are the guys who look like him?**
It was all getting a bit heavy and I tried my best to steer the conversation back to something more lighthearted. I reread his e-mails to me again and he told me that we would have an "engaging conversation". There's a little bit of arrogance there, I think? Would I say that to someone? Er...I think not!
**Ahh, Mitchell....you were in the same city as me for months and I didn't know.**
It was late, we left and he went to get his bike. It was left to me to say the niceties as we parted. I stood there and flapped my arms and said, "well, it was nice to meet you." He said, 'yes, bye', and that was it! I was taken aback - even if he didn't want to see me again, I felt I deserved more than that.
Needless to say, I've not contacted him and he's not contacted me. I've been very tempted to e-mail and berate him gently for his rudeness but have restrained myself. The whole experience left me feeling pretty horrible.
NEXT!!!!
Saturday, 22 January 2011
The next
So....a friend from university. I had a wild panic when leaving that I wasn't going to see him again. We had a fling for a few months but I ended it.
He was a nice guy and we've managed to remain friends - of sorts.
He is married now and has children.
The first love
My first boyfriend, Jim.
It lasted 4 years. We met at school, were friends, and became boyfriend/girlfriend.
We went to the same university - 7 hours from home.
He was kind, funny, intelligent, perhaps a little immature.
What went wrong? I loved him but I didn't find him hugely physically attractive. We were both growing up. I thought it was going to last a long time and started feeling claustrophobic. I felt guilty for years for hurting him.
He is married with a child/children.
Thursday, 20 January 2011
My first post
So I wanted to start a blog as a diary and as a way of getting my thoughts straight about men.
I came out of an abusive relationship 18 months ago and am starting to feel normal again. So normal in fact that I have ventured out in the world of dating and I haven't had much fun.
At my age, 34, I feel fairly young but I'm finding it difficult to meet eligible men. At this age, it feels as if most are married or settled down at least.
It's caused me to reflect on the men that I've known in my life romantically - or who have wanted to have a romantic connection with me. Perhaps it will make me see that I am meeting men - just not the right ones. After all, you only need to meet one - and yes, I do believe in "the one", just maybe not for me.
I'm not sure if I even want anyone at the moment anyway. I joined a dating website for a trial and the thought of actually having to meet up with anyone scares me. I can't be bothered. I am so used to pleasing myself and controlling my own life that I am not keen on getting seriously involved with anyone right now. I think that's probably a good place to be. In other words, if I met someone I liked, I wouldn't close myself off but neither am I pining for a man either.
Who knows...I'm going to start listing the men in my life and see if I have any blinding realisations about my choices.
Whatever happens, I know that I am feeling a helluva lot better than I was 18 months ago and that my self-esteem is much higher than it was. Did I really put up with all that crap from the narcissistic, personality disordered, abusive, controlling ex? Really? I want to go back in time and shake myself by the shoulders and say get out now!
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