He seemed so nice and normal.

He just seemed so nice and normal at first - and that was a change after XN!

This is the first time I've ever met someone online and started dating them so I really didn't know what to expect in terms of contact. I was a bit upset that he wasn't more communicative when my mum was in hospital but I'd only been out with him 3 times at this point and so didn't know if I was being unreasonable or not (I felt not but it was all so new to me).

I am better at spotting the red flags now and I was with this guy but I couldn't work out at the time whether my stresses were a hangover from XN or whether I was right to worry.

As for the drugs, I do feel angry and upset though that I had the chance of a normal, happy relationship and drugs got in the way. If he'd have grown out of them as my brother did by the time he was in his 30s, we might have had a chance at a normal relationship.

I did actually phone to speak to this guy about things, knowing that it would probably precipitate the ending, but he didn't answer and I left a message on his voicemail saying that I needed to talk to him. 4 days later he finished with me.

The way he finished things woke up a whole load of stress in me from XN and that didn't help me deal with it for the first couple of weeks. Plus I was very confused because whenever I saw him we had such a lovely time. Whenever I saw XN we had a nice time about 40% of the time - the other 60% was spend managing his mood swings.

One thing that people find difficult in these situations is that you don't get closure. This guy wasn't an N (he may have had traits) but I didn't get closure from it all either. I feel that there was something he wasn't telling me. Nothing I can do about it now but it is frustrating.
 
Also, my ego has taken a battering from this experience again. I walked away from XN in the end but this guy walked away from me.

This whole experience set back into a slump of depression. I'm desperately trying to get out of it but it's hard.

One thing I have learnt is that if a guy won't add you as a friend on Facebook, there's probably a reason for it! The last guy I dated (only twice) went quiet on me and it turned out that he was seeing someone else the whole time. This guy went to great lengths to tell me that he didn't use Facebook all that much. I think that, if they've got something to hide, they won't want to add you. I know this sounds a bit 'teenage girl' but it's something I'll watch out for in the future. The guy in Australia added me straightaway.